Words By: Troy Wong

"Chuka, last night, I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow and when I woke up my pillow was gone!" She always rolls her eyes when I say that.

Then it really happened! Well not exactly but pretty close. I dreamed I had a live crab in a bag that was too small to hold it. It reached out with it's claws but didn't pinch me, instead it pressed my hand between its chest and both claws. It's kinda hard to explain so imagine you're carrying a load of loose laundry, you'd have to hold it in your arms close to your chest -- yeah, just like that. Like I said it didn't hurt, there was just a dull pressure. I was still nontheless freaked out -- my hand being hugged by a live crab and all. Geez, this is starting to sound like the dreams Crash453 ( Crash453 is a member of the panicREV Forum) has! But I digress . . .  So I wake up from the dream and where's my hand? I'm sleeping on my side and it's between my knees! Boy did I feel stupid.

"Hey Chuka, it really happened! Last night . . . (and I tell the story)" I got the eye roll . . . again. She thinks I'm stupid.

I've been worried about feeling stupid lately. Not the kind of stupid that Chuka thinks I am, the real kind. The kind that makes you feel small, little, ashamed, less than. You see, I'm venturing into areas of ministry and work that I have very little to zero experience. That means in each of these areas there's a high risk of failure. In one instance the consequences are low (I'd just lose some of my pride), but in most cases the consequences are significant -- others will be affected and my failure will be quite public.

For a sometime I would just stuff my fear down and move forward. It would loom over me like really bad body odor. You don't want it to be there, you pretend it's not there, but it's there . . . and it takes a
heck of a lot of energy to deny it. Then I read these verse: Deuteronomy 7:18-20 But do not be afraid of them; remember well what the LORD your God did to Pharaoh and to all Egypt. You saw with your
own eyes the great trials, the miraculous signs and wonders, the mighty hand and outstretched arm, with which the LORD your God brought you out. The LORD your God will do the same to all the peoples you now fear. Moreover, the LORD your God will send the hornet among them until even the survivors who hide from you have perished.

How did I find perspective there? God is telling the Israelites, what's in front of you, that which you fear, ain't nothin' compared to Egypt; and look what I did to them. Don't be afraid, I've gotten you through worse.

What I face now is nothing compared to what God has gotten me through in the past. The only difference is this fear is current and so it seems bigger and scarier. But in reality, it ain't.

What do you do with your fear?

Shalom,
Troy